Swords and Swaddling Cloths
by Flower in the River
Summary: "IT IS THE ARMSTRONG ART OF HIDING PREGNANCY THAT HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN FOR GENERATIONS!"


**I don't own FMA. There, I said it. NOW UNTIE ME, LAWYERS!**

**Warning: Spoilers for the end of the series.**

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><p>"Get in here, you red-cloaked dwarf."<p>

Ed flinched. _Where's Al when I need him? _Facing the wrath of Teacher alone was bad enough, but facing Major-General Armstrong, the Ice Queen alone…

He almost wished he had gone to Xing with Al, even if it meant watching him and that May Chang girl being all lovey-dovey.

"_Well?" _There was the rasp of a sword being slid out of its sheath.

"C-coming!" He shoved the door open, saluting more out of fear than because it was protocol.

Olivier Mira Armstrong sat at her desk, her ice-blue eyes seeming to stare a hole through Ed. She looked, if anything, even scarier than she had when he'd first met her. Major Miles stood next to her, though the spot that would normally be filled by Buccaneer was noticeably empty. The man's death seemed to have made a hole in the Northern Wall of Briggs, though nobody would mention it.

"It took you long enough," she snapped, her hands on the hilt of her sword. "Major Miles, leave us."

"Sir." He saluted and left the room, closing the door behind him. The room was silent, Ed shaking slightly under Armstrong's fierce gaze.

"Why did you send for me?" Ed asked finally, when he couldn't stand the silence anymore. "I'm not an alchemist anymore, so I can't help you with Drachma…"

"I'm well aware of that, Elric," she said quickly, shutting Ed up. "That's not why you're here. Is it true that you witnessed a birth in Rush Valley?"

"Er, yeah. I wasn't actually there, though…Winry was the one who did everything," he said, a note of pride in his voice.

"Send for her. She'll stay here for the next two months."

"I can't do that!" Ed shouted, shocked. "She's still doing her automail apprenticeship! I can't make her just drop everything and…" he trailed off as he found a sword pointed at his throat.

"Send. For. Her."

"O-okay…" He swallowed. "But why do you need her? And why is witnessing a birth impor…" His eyes widened. And widened. And widened. He blushed fiercely. "Are you…but you don't look…I…"

"IT IS THE ARMSTRONG ART OF HIDING PREGNANCY THAT HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN FOR GENERATIONS!"

The door burst open, revealing the mass of sparkles, muscle and mustache that was…the Major.

"MY DEAREST SISTER! MOTHER AND FATHER ARE TERRIBLY DISTRESSED THAT YOU WILL NOT RETURN HOME FOR THIS MOMENTUS OCCASION! WE ARE EVER SO EXCITED FOR THE BIRTH OF THE HEIR OF THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY!"

"Alex SHUT UP!" Olivier snarled. "As the next head of the family, I can give birth wherever I damn well please!"

Ed was, at this point, as red as his trademark cloak.

"I need your Winry girl here because I need someone trustworthy to oversee this," she continued, addressing Ed. "There's the doctor here at Briggs, of course, but she's never handled a birth before."

"Why don't you get a military doctor or someone professional?"

"I'm a Fuher candidate. There are assassins everywhere. Send for the girl, and make sure she's here soon. You're dismissed, get out of my sight."

The door slammed in Ed's face. He headed toward the phones, running a hand through his hair.

"Winry's gonna hate this…"

oOoOoOoOo

"Really, Ed, I don't mind," Winry assured him as they walked through Briggs. "I mean, she can't be _that _bad."

"Yes. Yes she can."

"Oh, hush you," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"Seriously, Win, you really don't mind?" He asked. "I mean, you hate the cold and you were so busy with work and all that…the chance to see Northern automail can't be the only reason you're fine with this."

"Well," she said, a blush coloring her cheeks. "I get to see you, don't I?"

Edward turned red and opened his mouth when-

"There you are, you micro-amoeba." The voice came from a slightly open door, which lead to the General's office. "I assume you have the girl too. Good. Get in here."

Olivier sat in a bed which replaced her normal desk, though she still had military paperwork surrounding her. Instead of her normal military blues, she was wearing a white robe. The most noticeable difference, however, was her no-longer hidden stomach, which looked huge on her slender frame.

"I've been confined to bed rest," she explained with a grumble. "The only people that are going to be allowed in here are Miles, the doctor, and you two. Alex if he insists. You're going to stay in those rooms down there until I need you. If you wander around the fort, I'll rip your boyfriend's pretty little antenna right out of his head, understand girl?" She didn't wait for Winry to reply. "Good. Questions? No?"

Ed shook his head, though he couldn't resist commenting. "You look quite feminine like that, general. I'm surprised."

"DEARESET SISTER! PLEASE STOP! YOU SHOULDN'T BE KILLING PEOPLE IN YOUR CONDITION!"

oOoOoOoOo

"GET THIS KID OUT OF ME!"

"WE'RE DOING OUR BEST, GENERAL, BUT YOU NEED TO BE PAITIENT!"

"EASY FOR YOU TO SAY! I THOUGHT I WAS HAVING A BABY, NOT A GODDAMNED WATER BUFFALO!"

"You _did _remember to hide her sword, didn't you, Major Miles?" Ed asked nervously, staring at the door to the "birthing room." Miles nodded, an anxious look on his face.

A few hours ago, Ed and Winry had been woken by Miles around 2 in the morning.

"_I have a message for you from the general."_

"_Well, make it quick," Ed grumbled, only half awake._

"_She says, quote, 'Get your goddamned asses over here, my goddamned water just goddamned broke.'"_

Since then, Ed had been waiting outside her office while Winry and the doctor tried to keep the general under control. The door opened, and Winry stuck her head out.

"Major Miles, can you get some more ice chips for the general, please?" He nodded as they heard a frustrated scream came from the room, and the sound of wood shattering. Winry sighed, then closed the door. A moment later, they heard her frustrated shouting.

"GENERAL, PLEASE STOP THROWING THINGS!"

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY SWORD?"

Miles swallowed, paling.

"If she finds out it was me…" He quite obviously feared for his life, and he most certainly had reason to.

"GIVE ME MY FREAKING SWORD!"

"NO! YOU NEED TO PUSH, GENERAL!"

A frustrated and pained screech made Miles and Ed cover their ears.

"GOOD! PUSH!"

"NEVER AGAIN! NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN!" She screeched again, and Ed and Miles took several precautionary steps back.

"Doctor, please get some more towels and reheat the water. Not hot, but warm."

"Sure, Rockbell-san."

"DAAAMNITTTT!" She screamed, wood splintered, glass shattered, and a baby began wailing.

"It's a boy! General, you have a son!"

A few minutes later the door opened, and the doctor stuck her head out.

"You can come in now, men. She's clothed, and the baby's been washed."

"It's about damn time too," the general grumbled, cradling a blue-swaddled bundle.

"He's a huge baby," Winry said with a smile.

"He's more like a bear cub than a baby," said the general, an affectionate look in her eyes that had never been present before. She looked gentle…as gentle as she could look next to a smashed nightstand, a broken glass and across the room, several drawers that looked like they'd been pulled from a desk and thrown against the wall.

"MY DEAREST SISTER! HOW IS THE LITTLE HEIR OF THE HEIR OF OUR ARMSTRONG FAMILY?"

"Get out, Alex. I'm not exposing my son's developing eyes to your unsightly sparkles."

"What will you name him, General?"

Olivier looked down at the little bundle, the boy with a body structure like a baby bear than a baby and with dark black hair and the same ice-blue eyes as her own. She handed him a plastic sword, the perfect size for his chubby baby hands and a stuffed dragon, the same as the Amestrian national symbol.

"Buccaneer," she said with a smile. Sadness and realization flashed in Ed's eyes. "Buccaneer Kuma Armstrong."

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>I hope it was clear enough who his daddy is...

In my opinion, this paring needs WAY more love. I mean, they're so perfect together! Plus, she looked so, so _sad _when he...he...*starts crying*

In any case, please review!


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